August 2009
1 post
June 2009
42 posts
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Still Counting & Waiting
There are now 3 days left until the envelope with my 2nd year results arrives. The waiting is unbearable… I’m dreading opening that envelope… dreading that expectation will not have been met; that failure will be its contents
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Inspirational Awakening
I have just spent the last few hours with a friend, and now my creativity is buzzing and swirling frantically like a bumblebee trying to escape a rolled up newspaper. Her company always seems to have that effect on me… like I start believing in my words again.
I now have coffee, roll-ups, paper and pen, and the mind set to is ready to confront the blank page or the first draft that needs...
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Vanishing?
My Tumblarity is -6 since yesterday… It’s just a number but it hurts. Something is being subtracted, something is being lost, and I wonder what it will eventually equal…
I am vanishing and I’m scared of disappearing
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A week Into The Future
By this time next week it will all be over. The waiting will have ceased, the postman will no longer be anticipated, the envelope will be ripped rather than sealed, and I will be…
I don’t know what I’ll be? It depends upon the contents. It depends upon the percentage. It depends upon the calculated grade. I maybe slumped on the floor still sobbing from the arrival of the...
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Teenage Skin At 25
My skin has made its response to the waiting, and I have probably plastered it with every spot treatment on the market. I guess it could be worse, but when it’s like this I hate mirrors more than ever… And I envy my sister, who applies no creams or potions, but has a perfect and flawless complexion. The closest my skin comes to finding faultlessness is when I remove my glasses; poor...
Ugly Betty Series Three Starts in 20 Minutes
There’s a Betty inside all of us
My favourite show and I can’t wait to watch the new series!
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“By working hard, old man, I hope to make something good one day. I haven’t yet,...”
– Vincent van Gogh (via thoughtsdetained)
I really hope this fight will be worth it… that the battles will lead a step closer to my dreams, and just maybe I might win the war… And, at the end I’d stand in front of a bookshelf and see my words resting upon it… … I will...
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Nine Days...
My mind is counting down the days… until an envelope falls through the letterbox; holding such a great portion of my future within it. Will the hours of study over the last year prove fruitful or futile? Will the sacrifices I’ve made, from the act of sleeping to life itself, provide the result I crave?
My assignments have all been ‘Firsts’, but will that effort be...
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The Need For Organisation
Just in the process reorganising my wardrobes. It helps to take something external and sort it, order it, and feel in control. When my mind feels in complete chaos, when it swirls with sadness, when it churns with confusion and when it wanders in worry;the external organisation provides a moment of relief from my internal world…
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I Think My Memory Is In Need Of Renewal
Eight library books stamped with the 13th June 2009… I do believe that makes them overdue, and means another fine. However, a library fine is not necessarily a bad thing… I like to think of it as a good deed, an act of charity… If it wasn’t for forgetful book-returners like me, the library’s funds would be significantly effected. So, perhaps in part, bad memories...
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Babysitting Innocence
It has been a busy day… I’ve had my nephew since eight this morning, and now I sit alone in my basement flat with only Morrissey’s lyrics to distill the silence. Yes, Morrissey’s words are more poetic than Josh’s giggles, but surprisingly they fail. Surprising because I never thought of myself as ‘maternal’. I never realised that something so small, and...
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Motivation?
I have been sat at the laptop for hours… buying clothes from Joe Browns, Tumblring, playing the occasional game of Pathwords on Facebook… And, then pausing to roll a cigarette and prising myself away from the screen to make coffee. However, the things I needed to do still remain undone… The ironing is still ceased and the iron is still cold. The floor has not seen the hoover,...
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The Headsman of Language (Mini-Saga)
Nobody notices, she thought. Kneeling; slumping over the coffee table as darkness blinds pages of words. The hooded executioner creeps into existence, while the tool of seperation surveys her neck. Fall. In flesh. Through bone. Decapitated mind and motionless pen limb. The headsman removes his mask - Self-Doubt admires its work.
Eerie Indiana Complete Box Set →
OMG I can’t believe Amazon have this to buy!
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“Watch the evil black the sky
The storm has ripped the shelter of illusion from...”
– Jeff Buckley - The Sky Is A Landfill
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The benefit of leaving a door open
You cocoon yourself within mind, place a door with a lock between you and the outside, and bolt yourself off from existence. It has reason and purpose, but it also carries flaws…
The solitude. The eyes of others that rebound and never connect. The judgements based upon the only thing they can grasp; a piece of paper, a percentage, a grade that deems exceptional and steals the application...
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Slamming Doors
It runs down the corridors of mind; Loose like a balloon that’s slipped from a child’s hand, Persistent like a tap with broken washer, Powerful more than past… and lessening the present. Escape: not found Painful like a burn spat at with splinters Scared as it approaches nearing… near… nearer…
Door she slams it shut
Breaks throguh
Door slammed in silence
...
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From an essay I wrote, that applies the theory of Deconstruction to Paulo Coelho’s ‘Veronika Decides To Die’… …The connotations that madness produces are difficult to apply to Veronika, she contrasts with linked signifiers such as crazy, delusional and manic. Veronika is not portrayed to the reader as out of control or disconnected from reality, in fact, for the...
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Apple Core
Watching - an evil vapour of flies infect
the apple core of mind. Left lifeless
as the maggots of self-doubt collect.
Watching an evil vapour of flies infect,
then kill. In rotting flesh I reflect;
the missing image of the soulless.
Watching an evil vapour of flies infect.
The apple core of mind left lifeless.
“One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most...”